Should I be a Vegan

Being a vegan, I like the idea of it more and more these days but I just don't think I could do it. I like meat too much. Maybe it's from watching too much River Cottage Australia but I don't know if I could raise a cow or a sheep and then kill it to eat it. 
So it makes me think, should I really be eating meat that I wouldn't be willing to kill myself? I guess if I was hungry enough then maybe I might. If I'd grown up on a farm then maybe I'd have a different view.
Growing up we had pet ducks and pet chickens and I don't think I'd have an issue raising chickens and killing them for food. I understand the issues around commercial egg and chicken meat production and don't like how most of the chickens are treated but I just don't see a way around it. Eggs are a bit like onions, they are used in so many different things and they add to food in so many ways that trying to remove all eggs and chicken based produce from your diet would be really hard. I don't have an issue that chickens have been bred to lay more eggs than they used to, as long as the chickens have a good life and are treated well, then having chickens yourself for their eggs and occasionally on the table is fine by me.
I guess this all goes back to the idea of having some land of my own and being as self sufficient as possible. I'd have chickens for eggs and meat. I'd have a large vege garden and all sorts of fruit and nut trees; All to give me as much food as possible. Processing chickens would be simple enough, even hunting rabbits for food would be fine by me. I'm happy to catch and kill fish to eat and some for other sea and fresh water creatures.
I just always get stuck at cows. I'd become too attached, I guess if they were mean cows, then maybe?

Bomber
can cows be mean?